my internet is finally working after 2 weeks w/out it.
I'm back.
As of today i have a 4.0 summer term g.p.a
Japanese, 100%
Biology 100, 94%
Biology 101, 93%
Spanish, mid-90's percent. Not sure... but i got an A.
Yeahup, this is all i've been doing all summer.
Hooray.
I saw the dark night, thats how my girlfriend rewarded me for doing such a great job, =]
thanks June Bug.
Friday, July 18, 2008
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Elizabeth
oh elizabeth....
i have no idea what to say.
You've asked me to make you feel better but i cannot make you do anything.
I can help you, and as much as i want to I'm affraid that anything i will say will be interperted wrong.
There was this one time at borders where me and a group of peole were putting a pile of books to their assigned piles. i've been doing it for a few hours now so i got quite good, then i see this little red figure stumble along from side to side, confusingly. As i look up i see this confused person turning her torso from right to left, left to right, and looking down at all the piles placing piles of books down randomly. I thought it was the funniest thing. i put the rest of my books down in their proper place and asked if she needed help and she did -- a lot. I explained and she got it and we kept talking. We kept talking evertime we met and i discovered, probably, the most charming and funniest girl i've met in a long time. we came close friends and i like to think that i make a difference in her life. She deserves the world and all it's riches, and she is loved by many.
and quite frankly, that nun touching cunt can go eat a dick and fall off a cliff because thats what he deserves for making my friend frown.
i have no idea what to say.
You've asked me to make you feel better but i cannot make you do anything.
I can help you, and as much as i want to I'm affraid that anything i will say will be interperted wrong.
There was this one time at borders where me and a group of peole were putting a pile of books to their assigned piles. i've been doing it for a few hours now so i got quite good, then i see this little red figure stumble along from side to side, confusingly. As i look up i see this confused person turning her torso from right to left, left to right, and looking down at all the piles placing piles of books down randomly. I thought it was the funniest thing. i put the rest of my books down in their proper place and asked if she needed help and she did -- a lot. I explained and she got it and we kept talking. We kept talking evertime we met and i discovered, probably, the most charming and funniest girl i've met in a long time. we came close friends and i like to think that i make a difference in her life. She deserves the world and all it's riches, and she is loved by many.
and quite frankly, that nun touching cunt can go eat a dick and fall off a cliff because thats what he deserves for making my friend frown.
Alyssa
I've met Elizabeths' best friend, and jacked her.
Boo ya.
Seriously though,
never have a i met a person with so many strange things in common with me.
And i'm not talking about the august 12th thing, nor am i talking about the being scared of water thing
oh no my newly discovered best friend
-oh no-
i'm talking about the one thing that we have in common that is truly strange...
We're both FRIENDS with elizabeth
i just gave you a second to realize the complexity of that.
I didin't know know she had friends either...
makes you wonder what else she's been hiding...
No but really,
it was such an honor to meet you. I've always thought that i was so strange because I'm afraid of the ocean and such but you made me feel a little less strange and a little more significant among the rest of the tens of thousands of hundreds billions of people than we share this earth with.
it was such a pleasure to meet a person like myself.
i must say, if were anything alike -
I am fucking awesome.
and you are too my friend.
p.s. I guess I'm doing pretty damn good since now i don't just have one great friend, but now i have 2.
Score:
1 for the Alex that matters.
Boo ya.
Seriously though,
never have a i met a person with so many strange things in common with me.
And i'm not talking about the august 12th thing, nor am i talking about the being scared of water thing
oh no my newly discovered best friend
-oh no-
i'm talking about the one thing that we have in common that is truly strange...
We're both FRIENDS with elizabeth
i just gave you a second to realize the complexity of that.
I didin't know know she had friends either...
makes you wonder what else she's been hiding...
No but really,
it was such an honor to meet you. I've always thought that i was so strange because I'm afraid of the ocean and such but you made me feel a little less strange and a little more significant among the rest of the tens of thousands of hundreds billions of people than we share this earth with.
it was such a pleasure to meet a person like myself.
i must say, if were anything alike -
I am fucking awesome.
and you are too my friend.
p.s. I guess I'm doing pretty damn good since now i don't just have one great friend, but now i have 2.
Score:
1 for the Alex that matters.
Oatmeal
i find myself eating oatmeal and listening to billy holiday.
The latter is not so much significant, other than it's soft, sweet music that hovers over me. But Oatmeal, it has great significance to me. Oatmeal is the food unknown; no, not the unknown food -- i just told you: it's oatmeal. But the food unknown. I say this because oatmeal is the thing i eat when i have no fucking clue what to eat. This indecision can be brought upon by many things. Today, for instance, as i walked into my home - which smelled like ass because my sister "cooked" again for her fiancee - i had a unknown feeling. Everyone knows that feeling. You're starving but theres nothing, and you're sure that theres actually plenty of things to eat but all of your creative juices have been ringed from you 'til every last drop has been dripped and mopped from the floor to try and prove you've never had any. So what do you do? i dunno, but i know i eat oatmeal. When i feel that weird empty feeling at the pit of my stomach, and it's not due from food or indigestion - no - it's from something else. The midnight (10:00 p.m.) air? The nasty ass smell? West Indian girl playing on the radio before arriving home? 75 for a few days worth of gas? You don't feel down but neither do you feel up. You just are. and making you think about it make you feel even more empty, if possible. Thats where oatmeal comes to play, oatmeal, to me, lets you settle inbetween the i can and can't and gives you the freedom to say "...eh...". It lets you not make a choice. it lets you say "fuck it" to the omniscient "man" in your subconscious mind and promotes your indicision. It, literally, pitches down a hamick in between a rock and a hard place and lets you chill the fuck out. Good job you, you just stuck it to the subconscious man.
Fight the power.
The latter is not so much significant, other than it's soft, sweet music that hovers over me. But Oatmeal, it has great significance to me. Oatmeal is the food unknown; no, not the unknown food -- i just told you: it's oatmeal. But the food unknown. I say this because oatmeal is the thing i eat when i have no fucking clue what to eat. This indecision can be brought upon by many things. Today, for instance, as i walked into my home - which smelled like ass because my sister "cooked" again for her fiancee - i had a unknown feeling. Everyone knows that feeling. You're starving but theres nothing, and you're sure that theres actually plenty of things to eat but all of your creative juices have been ringed from you 'til every last drop has been dripped and mopped from the floor to try and prove you've never had any. So what do you do? i dunno, but i know i eat oatmeal. When i feel that weird empty feeling at the pit of my stomach, and it's not due from food or indigestion - no - it's from something else. The midnight (10:00 p.m.) air? The nasty ass smell? West Indian girl playing on the radio before arriving home? 75 for a few days worth of gas? You don't feel down but neither do you feel up. You just are. and making you think about it make you feel even more empty, if possible. Thats where oatmeal comes to play, oatmeal, to me, lets you settle inbetween the i can and can't and gives you the freedom to say "...eh...". It lets you not make a choice. it lets you say "fuck it" to the omniscient "man" in your subconscious mind and promotes your indicision. It, literally, pitches down a hamick in between a rock and a hard place and lets you chill the fuck out. Good job you, you just stuck it to the subconscious man.
Fight the power.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
After a little 45 minute session i hopped in the shower and well...took a shower. i was thinking about the tatto i plan to get. it's Siddartha, later to be known as Buddha, sitting under the famous bohdi tree where he found enlightenment. The bodhi trees' roots will crawl all the way down to my fingers and it'll look pretty tight. i also want to get some more tatt's but that is the one i look forward to and planned out most. As i was thinking this i was wondering if I'd be considered a hypocrite. Everyone has seen those guys who wear tribal tattoos who's closes encounter to any tribe is in the back of a casino pucking they're all-you can eat buffet. I thought, no I'm not because I'm not getting Buddha, I'm getting premature Buddha; before enlightenment. Plus i don't drink. But to get back to my point, i further defend my siddartha tattoo by saying under the bodhi tree is where he had to overcome his test on the way to enlightenment. Therefore i'm not saying I'm enlightened, nor am i showing my worship to buddha ( that'd be hypocritical in so many ways), I'm just relating to him and looking to him to find my own enlightenment. Just as he did.
As i was thinking all this i also thought across a book i remember reading, i forgot which one but none the less i remember reading that it was recorded that whenever buddha was asked about ladies under any terms he would simply imply stay aware and stay awake- i think. anyways i was a little confused by this and further thought that buddha had nothing against women, he just knew the mind was frail and weak and had to over come many test. also the root of all suffering, known as the first of noble truths, is suffering. Therefore if you do not stay awake and aware the next thing you are gunna realize is that you're attracted to the girl you're thinking about kama sutraing.
This also lead to the thought that buddhism is quite inappropriate in this time and day. before you say anything let me finish. Buddhism is the enlightenment of an individual. if every individual was to be enlightened we would all get along and we would all die sooner or later, but not only that but there would be no more human race. thats fine and dandy until you think about how badly we've fucked our selfs already. First off we have who knows how many nuclear weapons, and the planet is turning to an open debris air garden. lets clean our mess while we try to find enlightenment and hope cleaning is done before the latter.
I'm just saying, we should mind our manners.
Now that i re-read this whole thing, the whole damn thing just sounds like me ranting. but since i haven't updated in a while i think I'll post my wild shower adventure.
As i was thinking all this i also thought across a book i remember reading, i forgot which one but none the less i remember reading that it was recorded that whenever buddha was asked about ladies under any terms he would simply imply stay aware and stay awake- i think. anyways i was a little confused by this and further thought that buddha had nothing against women, he just knew the mind was frail and weak and had to over come many test. also the root of all suffering, known as the first of noble truths, is suffering. Therefore if you do not stay awake and aware the next thing you are gunna realize is that you're attracted to the girl you're thinking about kama sutraing.
This also lead to the thought that buddhism is quite inappropriate in this time and day. before you say anything let me finish. Buddhism is the enlightenment of an individual. if every individual was to be enlightened we would all get along and we would all die sooner or later, but not only that but there would be no more human race. thats fine and dandy until you think about how badly we've fucked our selfs already. First off we have who knows how many nuclear weapons, and the planet is turning to an open debris air garden. lets clean our mess while we try to find enlightenment and hope cleaning is done before the latter.
I'm just saying, we should mind our manners.
Now that i re-read this whole thing, the whole damn thing just sounds like me ranting. but since i haven't updated in a while i think I'll post my wild shower adventure.
Friday, May 30, 2008
On the way home from putting some gas in my car i was thinking about a conversation that my dad and i had a few days ago. Actually, less of the conversation and more of one sentence he said.
He told me "...doing it because you can do it, or are you doing it because your heart leads you there..." something along the lines of that. Ever since then i've been pondering on the idea of Heart. What is heart really? i began to come to the conclusion that it is a selfish need for something, but i wasent quite satisfied with that conclusion so i pondered some more and eventually came up with my final thoughts on the poor thing. Heart, as i beleive it to be, is a simple desire. Well, not even that says it, more like pure desire. Pure isisnt exactly the word i'm looking for either but i'm sure it'll do for now. Anyway, i beleive that heart tracends the selfish aspect of need and want and becomes a pure and awesome thing. i also beleive that it is somehow linked to your instinct. I beleive that this is my premature notion of what the meaning of "Heart" is and possibly "Soul" as well. Some food for thought for you and i.
Another thought of mien is i feel invisible. I feel like i've been dissapearing with those who i'm supposed to be clear as day and night with. To name a few is Cypher City Kings, Martin A., Omar G., Mane One, etc. Now that i have no school for a while i'm going to take advantage of it and, hopefully, be spending more time with people.
Lastly, celtics won tonight.
Boo ya.
Anyone down to watch the first game of the playoffs with me?
Thursday @ 5:00. I'll bring the cheetoh puffs and sour cream.
He told me "...doing it because you can do it, or are you doing it because your heart leads you there..." something along the lines of that. Ever since then i've been pondering on the idea of Heart. What is heart really? i began to come to the conclusion that it is a selfish need for something, but i wasent quite satisfied with that conclusion so i pondered some more and eventually came up with my final thoughts on the poor thing. Heart, as i beleive it to be, is a simple desire. Well, not even that says it, more like pure desire. Pure isisnt exactly the word i'm looking for either but i'm sure it'll do for now. Anyway, i beleive that heart tracends the selfish aspect of need and want and becomes a pure and awesome thing. i also beleive that it is somehow linked to your instinct. I beleive that this is my premature notion of what the meaning of "Heart" is and possibly "Soul" as well. Some food for thought for you and i.
Another thought of mien is i feel invisible. I feel like i've been dissapearing with those who i'm supposed to be clear as day and night with. To name a few is Cypher City Kings, Martin A., Omar G., Mane One, etc. Now that i have no school for a while i'm going to take advantage of it and, hopefully, be spending more time with people.
Lastly, celtics won tonight.
Boo ya.
Anyone down to watch the first game of the playoffs with me?
Thursday @ 5:00. I'll bring the cheetoh puffs and sour cream.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Linguistics
The more i think about it the more i realize it was a right decision.
Yes, i am no longer a part of the Cypher City Kings.
Anyone who knows anyone who knows me, knows that i always talk about music, bboying, gas prices, etc.
I love that crew, still do, but the more i think about it the more i understand of why i did it.
You know those little urges you get to do something and you do it, but you have no idea why the hell you did it and a few days/years later you understand why you did it; why you took that leap; why you said no to that drink; why you took the bus;why. I understand a little bit more now.
I think that mot people have a good idea of who they are, though it canbe argued that no one knows anything, but for the sake of blogging and keeping as sane as i am we'll stick to the common day knowledge that most people have a good idea of who they are or at least put up a fasade that they know.
I have no fucking clue who i am, but i know that somewhere in me i know and when i think about myself and who i've become i'm pretty proud. But i know i can co better.
As a bboy, i feel that i'm not me anymore. Ever since i joined cck my mind has been thinking a little differently. Instead of just dancing and what not i start thinking of individual moves and what better hen and how and such. I look at myslef and i can hardly recognize it.
This isint the kid who was influenced by Batman or Zorro or Ghandhi, this is someone else. I don't know if anyone else can see it, but i know i do and thats what matters.
I was reading a post on the freestyle sessions board just the other day. Mane posted something about style. I think style is what makes you you. "Because it's not what you don't do, it's what you do do" (Thanks Elizabeth) I dance because i love hip-hop, not what it's become, but what it truly means. it means bringing people together, it means looking past differences, it means so much. It's being raped by hypocrites right and left, and i don't want to do that. When i bboy the music doesn't tell me anything, the music and i have a conversation.
Aretha shows me how to keep the funk alive and to not let anyone hold me down, to be me.
James tells me to search my funk for the tightest tune
Kane says to keep rollin and show everyone what i'm workin with.
I havent had a descent conversation in a while.
Sorry.
Love,
Alex Calderon,
Quicky1508
Clark Kent
Yes, i am no longer a part of the Cypher City Kings.
Anyone who knows anyone who knows me, knows that i always talk about music, bboying, gas prices, etc.
I love that crew, still do, but the more i think about it the more i understand of why i did it.
You know those little urges you get to do something and you do it, but you have no idea why the hell you did it and a few days/years later you understand why you did it; why you took that leap; why you said no to that drink; why you took the bus;why. I understand a little bit more now.
I think that mot people have a good idea of who they are, though it canbe argued that no one knows anything, but for the sake of blogging and keeping as sane as i am we'll stick to the common day knowledge that most people have a good idea of who they are or at least put up a fasade that they know.
I have no fucking clue who i am, but i know that somewhere in me i know and when i think about myself and who i've become i'm pretty proud. But i know i can co better.
As a bboy, i feel that i'm not me anymore. Ever since i joined cck my mind has been thinking a little differently. Instead of just dancing and what not i start thinking of individual moves and what better hen and how and such. I look at myslef and i can hardly recognize it.
This isint the kid who was influenced by Batman or Zorro or Ghandhi, this is someone else. I don't know if anyone else can see it, but i know i do and thats what matters.
I was reading a post on the freestyle sessions board just the other day. Mane posted something about style. I think style is what makes you you. "Because it's not what you don't do, it's what you do do" (Thanks Elizabeth) I dance because i love hip-hop, not what it's become, but what it truly means. it means bringing people together, it means looking past differences, it means so much. It's being raped by hypocrites right and left, and i don't want to do that. When i bboy the music doesn't tell me anything, the music and i have a conversation.
Aretha shows me how to keep the funk alive and to not let anyone hold me down, to be me.
James tells me to search my funk for the tightest tune
Kane says to keep rollin and show everyone what i'm workin with.
I havent had a descent conversation in a while.
Sorry.
Love,
Alex Calderon,
Quicky1508
Clark Kent
Monday, March 3, 2008
i coincidently looked at the mirror today, after i greeted my mom in her room.
I didn't give a second of it, whether someone was there or not.
it was just a figure to me, a thing.
After i realized this i looked back up and though
-is that me? really?
At that moment i didn't confirm anything in the room other than the colors that surrounded me,
Baige, red, brown, yellow,
and to myself i looked deep into the thoughts in my infinite eyes.
Every time i look into the sliding mirror door i always recognize myself,
i always confirm it is me.
Alex, or A-Cal,
Son of Martha and Marcos.
But today was different.
Today something was different.
maybe I've been getting used to to the college experience,
so much so that i don't recognize myself in my usual settings.
Maybe Asia 300 is my usual setting?
But today was different.
Today something was different,
something was missing.
Someone.
Maybe i am possessive,
maybe i didn't really recognize myself until today.
All those days of confriming my own exsitince as
Alex, or A-Cal,
Son of Marcos and Martha
was just a facade.
Maybe now i know who i am
Alex, or A-Cal,
Son of Marcos and Martha
...
I recognize myself today because i recognized something was missing
-someone.
I didn't give a second of it, whether someone was there or not.
it was just a figure to me, a thing.
After i realized this i looked back up and though
-is that me? really?
At that moment i didn't confirm anything in the room other than the colors that surrounded me,
Baige, red, brown, yellow,
and to myself i looked deep into the thoughts in my infinite eyes.
Every time i look into the sliding mirror door i always recognize myself,
i always confirm it is me.
Alex, or A-Cal,
Son of Martha and Marcos.
But today was different.
Today something was different.
maybe I've been getting used to to the college experience,
so much so that i don't recognize myself in my usual settings.
Maybe Asia 300 is my usual setting?
But today was different.
Today something was different,
something was missing.
Someone.
Maybe i am possessive,
maybe i didn't really recognize myself until today.
All those days of confriming my own exsitince as
Alex, or A-Cal,
Son of Marcos and Martha
was just a facade.
Maybe now i know who i am
Alex, or A-Cal,
Son of Marcos and Martha
...
I recognize myself today because i recognized something was missing
-someone.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
love for reading
i have re-irnited my love for reading -- finally.
Two or three nights ago i foundmyself unable to fall asleep so i decided to read a book. I've been having trouble sleeping lately and have been dreading reading any of the books next to my bed.
Cant Stop Wont Stop, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Descartes Error, and some other book my mom bought me from Coost Co. I sat up and thought to myself i should endevour in a new book, or old one, just as lon as i wanted to read it. I looked for my copy of a composite of adventures of Sherlock Holmes. As i read the first few lines i remininced on the day that i first fell in love with reading, it was close to the end of my sophmore year in high school and i finished research at the H Street public library. Detectives have always intrigued me so i happen to walk through the Mystery section of the place and looking to my right i saw, in gold lettering, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. As i read the first chaper, A Scandal Of Bohemia, i couldnet help but love it. All of it and it introduced me to such a great art -- Literature. it was an Awesome experience. Currently I'm reading Sex, Drugs, and cocoa puffs on my spare time at school, i read Siddartha on my spare time at work or when i'm out of home, and i read a composite of Adventures of Sherlock Holmes before i go to sleep. I'm looking forward to read many other books, but i plan o take my time -- if theres on thing i hate is reading a book too fast.
Two or three nights ago i foundmyself unable to fall asleep so i decided to read a book. I've been having trouble sleeping lately and have been dreading reading any of the books next to my bed.
Cant Stop Wont Stop, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, Descartes Error, and some other book my mom bought me from Coost Co. I sat up and thought to myself i should endevour in a new book, or old one, just as lon as i wanted to read it. I looked for my copy of a composite of adventures of Sherlock Holmes. As i read the first few lines i remininced on the day that i first fell in love with reading, it was close to the end of my sophmore year in high school and i finished research at the H Street public library. Detectives have always intrigued me so i happen to walk through the Mystery section of the place and looking to my right i saw, in gold lettering, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. As i read the first chaper, A Scandal Of Bohemia, i couldnet help but love it. All of it and it introduced me to such a great art -- Literature. it was an Awesome experience. Currently I'm reading Sex, Drugs, and cocoa puffs on my spare time at school, i read Siddartha on my spare time at work or when i'm out of home, and i read a composite of Adventures of Sherlock Holmes before i go to sleep. I'm looking forward to read many other books, but i plan o take my time -- if theres on thing i hate is reading a book too fast.
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