To: help

I wrote a three page letter to you, but it's a bunch of bull shit. So I'm gunna try to write you a little something something right here and now. Typically i would write you something to go along w/your gift but I'm not really feeling it so i think I'm just gunna do this -- maybe it'll work.

So i wont lie and I'll tell you that i was madly disappointed that you and i couldn't hang out today. I totally understood why, but none the less i was disappointed. I got dressed up in my cardigan and a sports jacket, skinny jeans and good shoes 'cause i thought i was gunna see you. I spent about 5 minutes longer than i usually do just fixing my hair so it'll be perfect. I shaved perfectly. I put my visine to work. I picked up my car and didint eat 'cause i thought if i picked you up and you were hungry we could eat and if you weren't I'd just lie and say i was full -- doesn't really matter 'cause i don't really notice when I'm around you. Around eight or nine you said that we weren't able to hang out and it was a sad moment but i said ok and was fine w/it, it's cool. I had to admit i was in the parking lot of the library a big part of my day 'cause i didn't wanna go home and relax because i just wanted to see you and the faster i can turn on my car and leave the faster i could do that. So i was disappointed and went home. i layed down and found out my grandma was in jail for trying to steal a 4,000 coat from Nordstrom's -- peculiar. I wasn't really phased because i tend to be extremely calm in situations where most would panic or be confused. I decided to spend my monthly Number 3 tonight. I grabbed my book "sex, drugs, and cocoa puffs" a notebook with some blank pages left in it and two pens and left to Carl's jr. I sat across from the register and the food was out pretty quick, it was good. After that i put 2 sweet and lows in my coffee and started to write. in one and a half cups of coffee i wrote three pages about nothing. I titled it "to: help". it's a clever title i think, if you think about it. I had coffee because it reminds me of you, if you didn't know already.

I am a tall, pale skin guy with colored eyes. I am Mexican but hardly know anything about my culture. I'm pretty hairy and I'm not that smart. I'm mildly attractive and i like planning things out, not down to the second but at least to the day. If i know that i have a high chance of being w/you i clear most of my day so whenever you have time i know i wont be doing anything. I'm not going to be rich when i grow up on purpose, I'll be lucky if i get more than 60,000 a year anyway. I like to ponder about nothing, because nothing can lead to an infinite amount of thoughts that are something, even nothing again. I've never seen Anderson Cooper 360. I don't find the typical "hot girl any type of attractive. I don't like it when when women degrade themselves so they can "look good". I like American Apparel, Levi's 511's and 501's, Puma's, Pro-Keds, and things of that nature. I have a weird style that I've only recently been confident enough to express (thanks to you). I am happy and optimistic person, and i like to think that i am compassionate as well.I feel fantastic as long as I'm with you, whether it be at swami's or watching your eye lashes grow. You, 99% of the time, inspire my thoughts even if they aren't of you. I'm not much, but I'm working to change that. The one thing that i am though, is your. Your lover, friend, partner, boyfriend, mate, chap, gentleman, caballero, whatever you wanna say, however you wanna say it.

Jenny June you are phenomenally beautiful. All i can do is give you that one universal cliche everyday, over and over again, and hope that one day i can figure out a way to say it all -- I love you.

Alexandro J. Calderon


p.s. this is a very incomplete letter, and just to let you know: I'm not mad at you or anything, i just go from random incomplete thought to the next random incomplete thought.