Humanity is a Hell of a Drug.

My good friend Alex and I were having a interesting conversation about humanity not too long ago. We were talking whether there was any hope for humanity or not and we both agreed that there wasn't much. He says if he didn't have his religion he would have no Faith what so ever in man and i say if i didn't have this tattoo on my arm i'd feel about the same way. Everyday You here about a war or a "Over Seas Contingensy Operation" or some type of cultural rape or people lying to a massive amount of people. Money, Corruption, Power, Greed. It's quite sad, i'm not exactly sure who has total and complete faith in human kind. I place my faith in the fact that the only things that are truly mine are my thoughts and my actions, and thus it is up to me to live the life i want to live and it is nobodies fault or reason but mine that i get what i get and i have what i have. I place my faith in the hope that if i am kind to one person that one person will be kind to another and so on, so i try to be kind in all the things i do. I have hope that if i lead my life as an example of compassion and kindness for all to see that people can look up to me with a new sense of desire to change for the better so that way i can truly say that i have done everything that i can to help others. I'm not exactly why i wrote this, but i did. On another note, i'm craving a danish.

I Miss

my crew. Just hanging out with them, not worrying about every ones own agenda, not worrying about the next battle but just hanging out. Dancing for the sake of dancing and being close to the floor as well as to each other. Now, no one can set a side a couple hours for anyone else - only if by chance do 2 people have free time they can chill together. I think that's pretty sad as well as pathetic. It seems to me that everyone is changing, losing sight of - not priorities- but what really matters to ones very soul, to ones youth, to their heart.




I re-read this and it sounds like a bunch of mumbo-jumbo but it really expresses how i feel. So i'll keep it the way it is, un-edited. With all the stupid diction like "heart" and "soul" to mean a deeper emotion, one that cannot be described. To be left up to interpretation by each individual - which i doubt they would even give the effort. I'm getting off my soap box and going to eat Honey Bunches of Oat and for some strange reason I'm craving milk tea? Coconut. Mmmm.

This goes out to both of my crews:
Funkadelic Mischief
and Cypher City Kings.

insomnia

I haven't been able to fall asleep lately.
Saturday night i was tired and happy from a whole day of fun, so i fell asleep with my soul at peace and a smile on my face. But come Sunday i couldn't fall asleep and so on and so forth 'til tonight which i still find myself surplussed with every type of tired except the one that is most necessary. I've been looking at old poetry that inspired me ever since i began to read: Pablo Neruda.


Me Gusta Cuando Callas


Me gusta cuando callas porque estas como ausente,
y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te toca.
Parece que los ojos se te hubieran volado
y parece que un beso te cerrar la boca.

Como todas las cosas estan llenas de mi alma,
emerges de las cosas, llena del alma mia.
Mariposa de sueno, te pareses a mi alma,
y te pareces a la palabra melancolia.

Me gusta cuando callas y estas como distante.
Y estas como quejadonte, marisopa en arrullo.
Y me oyes desde lejos, y mi voz no te alcanza:
dejame que calle con el silencio tuyo.

Dejame que te habla tambien con tu silencio
claro como una lamara, simple como anillo.
Eres como la noche, callada y constelada.
Tu silencio es de estrella, tan lejano y sencillo.

Me gustas cuando callas porque estas como ausente.
Distante y dolorosa como si hubieras muerto.
Una palabra entonces, una sonrisa bastan.
Y estoy alegre, alegre de que no sea cierto.

Pablo Neruda

There was once an odd story of quite an old man - that - I - will - share - with - you.
He was very strange and always - knew - the - truth.
He had black hair and small blue eyes - he - couldn't - tell - a - lie.
Now the story begins in his home - as - he - arises - from -bed.
The moon was bright and the night was dark - and - he - could not - see - a - thing.
For the fog was thick and his tummy was rumbling - he - left - to - get - some - food.
Sadly enough he checked his kitchen and - it - was - completely - empty.
He had a strange craving for some meat so - he - left - his - house.
As he walked out he had a strange feeling - of - death - and - destruction.
he checked his watch and it read - three - in - the - after - noon.
He found this strange and looked up - there - stood - a - boy.
he said: "Hey there boy, do you have the time" - and - he - would - not - respond.
As the boy shuffled closer the man grew colder - he - was - in - dismay.
he could not believe his very eyes - he - began - to - run - for - his - life.
Before he ran the boy jumped at his throat - and - he - ripped - it - apart.
His teeth ripped through his neck and - there - was - blood - everywhere.
The boys mouth was covered in blood and - the - old - mans - throat.
So there he was hungry no more - killed - by - the - boy.
and so you ask what of the boy - no - one - really - knows.
He could be alive to this very day - craving - for - some - more.
Hiding in secrecy in the thick mist - waiting - for - his - hunger.
Driven with hunger, this psycho path - will - kill - more.
and more and more and more more more more - and - more - and - more.
and more and more AND MORE!!! (Transition to psychotic laugh)








So i got really bored today at the library because i let my earphones at home so i decided to write n my blog and it dissapointed me that i left my earphones at home so i started to write randomly and this song came out. it's a nursery rhyme, very gothic and creepy. I hope you guys like it.

Sunday, April 18, 2009

To my friends Phineas Mollod & Jason Tesauro,
I would like to personally and publicly thank you. If i do say so myself: I out did myself. Also, I would like to thank you for inspiring my interest, if not passion, for gentleman behavior and etiquette. It has driven me to feel, for the lack of better words, inspired. I feel like writing again because of you two and another very special person. Hope all is well.


Your Friend,
Alexandro J. Calderon

Honesty in review

I've been living in a new house for a few months now. Ever since i could remember it's been me, my mom and my sister - no one else. My sister lives with her boyfriend now and my mom and I live with her boyfriend, Richard. My mom gives me about the same amount of attention she did before, maybe a tiny less because she's been working extra hard lately, but you get the jist of it. When people come to my house they ask me "how do you like your new house?" and all i can reply with is: "It's a house, not a home." I was always proud to show off my old house to everyone, i would eagerly invite everyone over - even if it were to say hi for a moment. Now i don't find that urge at all. I honestly don't give a rat's ass about this house. My mom asks Richard if she can make him anything to eat and i say to myself "why the fuck are you asking him that?" I guess I'm still getting used to "sharing" my mom - don't think i'll ever get used to it and i don't think i'll ever like this house, or Richard even.
I think about it and i think I'm acting like a little kid, i should grow up and know that it's my mom's happiness that matters and the reason i lied to my mom about being o.k. with it was for that same reason - for her. But god damn it she's my mom; mine.
I'm also having doubt about going to S.F. lately. I don't know why I'm going anymore. I'm not sure if it's because I'm running away from this whole situation or if it's because i don't know what else to do. My mom is having money trouble for various reasons and so is my dad. I want to go but not for the wrong reasons and if i stay i don't want to stay for the wrong reasons as well. Whhat ta do mah fruiend?

Update

I've been checking all my online stuffs and realized that i haven't really updated anyone. Not that there's anyone to update, i hardly think any one reads this other than Criselle, Maika, and Storm. OH WELL! Anyway, I've been hard at work with practice. I've actually felt improvement for the first time in a very long time this previous monday which is exciting. So exciting that i wanted to do more today at culture shock and ended up pulling my calf :[ Either way, I'm still excited about monday and i'm even more excited for this saturday because 1) i get to teach my class again and it's gunna be hell for those little girls and 2) I'm happy/excited beyond any phenomenal belief for what's happening afterwards. Oh yeah, and this past weekend i went to Irvine to visit Julius and friends. Gladly i met some new friends and saw some previous ones too which was awesome. Not sure what else has been happening . . . oh yeah, i finally bought new music!
New Order - Power, Corruption, and Lies
Vampire Weekend - Title Debut
Her Space Holiday - XOXO, Panda and the New Kid Revival

I don't regret any single purchase which is great news. Other than that i've been simply happy.

W.O.D.

This weekend i headed up to pomona to hang out with Erriot and Julius "likes it up the butt" Villanueva and to compete in World Of Dance. It was a real fun competition and we got surprised by Joseph's family, Victoria, and my main man Ronnel. Unfortunantly we didn't get far, we got robbed (in my opinion) by the boogie brats crew. No regrets though because those are a bunch of the cutest and coolest kids around, luckily they made it pretty far - congrat's. Toward the end of the competition there was a heated cypher battle between Kamel and the rest of the boogie brats, casper, and smurf vs. flo master, steelo, crumbs, and some other cats that i can't remember that we apparently started. Wow. Honor. We didn't see it to an end but there was some sort of resolution - think. After the battle was the best though, Elliot, Ryan, and i got del taco and just chilled and headed back to Elliots place while the rest of the crew hung out at the jam. When we finally all met up i was beat and just went to sleep while Joseph got rapped. The day after we took our sweet time getting up and getting ready. Ronnel came over and we ate at this rad ass place, not sure what it was called but they had some real good tea and veggie wraps. We still had some cravings so we ate some fro-yo and then went on our way to FLO MASTERS house. That's right... be jealous. We hung out with him, his wife and the most beautiful little girl i've ever seen. She's gunna be a real heartbreaker - sorry guys, she's not allowed to date until she's 85. Flo is a great guy, real funny, down to earth, and very kind. His wife is beautiful, pregnant, and her hospitality is awesome. It was a very good visit, i got a chance to play and color with his daughter - i think its kira? while everyone else talked and chilled with flo and his wife. I found out flo's real name... including his middle name! If i ever repeated it i think he'd show up and kill me so i'm not but it's priceless. After the all inspiring visit to flo's we left and helped cleaned Elliot's place. I was beginning to get extremely hungry so we ate taco bell before heading back to Cypher City. It was an amazing trip with the whole crew! Most importntly we all discussed on the things that we really need to work at and for me it's:

- Stamina
- Levels of Footwork
- Taking more oppertunities to battle
- Getting my confidence up
- Helping my comfort zone to leave practice and being alone

The W.B.

Writer's Block . . . for the past fucking year! what the fuckkk!?!??! argh . . .
deep breath. It'll come i just have to be patient.
I honestly don't remember the last time I wrote something down that i really inspired.
Just a small vent, i really feel like writing but nothing comes out.
I'm just gunna retreat to my ideas on small pieces of torn up paper.

Just wait.