Jenny's Taking a shower

and Elma is doing homework.

I was looking forward to seeing the old man there,
at the front desk as I've seen him a few times before.

The last time i saw him i was taking out the trash, one last time, and i struck a conversation. He seemed weary at first, then he opened up a little.
He had a deep Filipino accent; kinda like Daryll's dad.
His eyes opened wider and wider as we talked about sandwiches,
and i disappointed him when i said we were already closed, and that we didn't sell anything but coffee and "bread."
As i walked away he seemed to go back to his depressed mood,
i thought, maybe, i was the highlight of his day as he was for me -- The work day at least.

I told myself that i would bring him a coffee and a pastry,
he looked hungry last time.

he wasn't there this time, but i'm closing tomorrow.
We'll see.

Open Window Night

I didn't realize why i always kept my window open during the night, until this morning.
I love my room.
My room can be compared to no other.
Not even the color can be compared.
Not even the darkness,
the darkness in my room has a comfort to it
It's more of a "lack of light" than "darkness" -- Really.
And when it's cold,
i worm myself into under my blankets and it seems that the cold almost forces the blankets on me, almost like gravity; If gravity wanted me to be warm.
The i am slowly lulled to sleep by the sound of my fan.

When i wake, i wake to the cold air.
I take a deep breath and i begin to feel cold
and as i open my eyes i see my window.
Through it there is a pine tree, and a hill, and another condo, and the sun shining (cliche i know)
But the experience alone of breathign the cold air and feeling it run through my body and touch my bones to their very core, while slowly opening my eyes to such beauty of pine, hills, and sun -- oh and concrete as well. Thats beautiful too, you know.
That feeling almost makes me want to write a poem about absolutly anything,
as long as i can write about the cold morning air, and "dew", and "sap" and what not.
Not much of a poet.
So I'm thinking of becoming a Buddhist, but i don't think i would like to tie myself down to one religion.

I have my different types of inspiration today.

You see,
I was watching the movie "The Warriors" today and it hit me.
Theres always the subject of inspiration on my mind and what hit me is the thought of the different type of inspirations i have, and how they influence me.

When I'm listening to music i dominantly listen to Sarah Vaughn, Thelonious Monk, Charlie Parker, Ella Fitzgerald, Duke Ellington, Jane Lui, Joe Winder, The Angle, etc.
Of coarse i listen to the occasional The Pharcyde, Amy Winehouse, Archie Bell and the Drells, Aretha Franklin, Dj Mane One Mix's and stuff like that. But really i've dominantly listening to all that easy stuff mentioned before.


When i watch movies i watch movies like Sining In The Rain, On The Town, The Warriors, Star Wars, and so many others. it's a weird mix of musicals and some hard ass shit like warriors and star wars.
When i dance, i draw my inspiration from the movies I've seen. I kind of like to hop when i'm top rocking, and i guess i get that from the musicals (thanks Gene Kelly). My persona is kinda hard, kinda serious, i guess influenced by the warriors and Good 'ol Darth. Mostly the warriors, since when you first see them you don't think they're very tough but when you see them get down they're fuckin hard. Thats how i like to be when i dance, you get to meet me and i'm kinda an easy, nice, cool guy. The real "nice guy" or whatever, but when i get down i like being serious, i don't like playing around too much, it messes with my head.

Oh yeah, but the the music i mentioned first, thats my inspiration for life really. Outside of BBoying, I'm going to school, working, having friends, writing as much as i can, and a lot of thinking. Maybe thats why i haven't been really feeling like dancing, i haven't really found that balance of music that slows me down and paces me, and music and movies that really get me pumped and raw.
I don't know about you, but Sarah Vaughn defiantly doesn't get me in the mood to bboy.

I need to find that balance in my life.

Coffee's Wisdom (Nov. 22, 2007)

I got very little tips today, but i am delighted.

There is something worth, or potentially, more than Knowledge.
It falls right in between Knowledge and money;
Money being worth the least and knowledge being the most:
Conversation.
With a 70 cent tip i got some very nice conversation.
She ordered an Americano and a small coffee.
I had my book out, and she asked me about my college career and
where i wanted to go in life. We spoke briefly, and i couldn't exactly tell, but i think she was either English or Irish; judging from her accent. She has a daughter who is a math teacher, and she too believes that philosophy is a great thing but is too often overlooked; especially by "Americans."
Since today was such a slow day, and the lady mentioned before was one of my first customers, i decided to for go on an experiment. I would try and talk to all of my customers, you know try and spark their interest and start a conversation. Not those fake "polite" conversations, but real ones. I did so, and found myself in a delighted mood. I learned about some peoples days, and even lives. It really sparked my interest, curiosity, and my inspiration.
Most surprisingly -- it carried on throughout the whole day. until this very second i am still in a, quite frankly, delighted mood. I feel like dancing, and laughing, and being happy. it is a curious mood, or state of mind, that i am in and hope to further my exploration of this sensation, and not to mention my linguistic skills.

So i wrote something down, thats was pretty dope but i had to erase it because i lost my train of thought due to my mom and sister keep on interrupting me when i clearly state that i need to be alone/quite. Oh well...Anyway

Slippery Elma!!!


I hung out with Jane today and it was a very good day. I made her breakfast, then we watched project Runway and Singing In The Rain, and the just talked and chilled while my dogs were beating each other up.

I've already started to plan out my Christmas shopping, but I'm sad because i won't get to shop on black Friday. I have work in the morning, then i don't have money. Oh well, i would like to see what i can do tho.

I really feel like writing, but i can't because all these gat damn things going on in the friggin' house. it's annoying and really really getting on my nerves.

Catalyst; November 14, 2007

Today was a good day in terms of my inspiration for Hip-Hop.
I've come to a new theory that I've been feeling uninspired to dance and, put simply, be funky because of my lack of sleep. In practice i felt quite refreshed and couldn't help my self, i just wanted to get down. Mane1's words just kept cycling through my head "get down at the get down" and "I see you A-Cal!" (From the danceteria, Vol. 2, Mix). Mane is you're reading this, yes you are a huge inspiration to me, a real hero figure. Something that has just recently gone through my head is the day i talked to Joey Gold, he complimented me. Joey is a legend, though right now he might not give a fuck, but he is. Anyone who knows B-Boying, anyone who knows what it truly means to get down, knows the urban legend of Joey Gold. i would go more into detail,. but i;m not. Anyway, after the danceteria in march? February? He complimented me on my style, very Cooley, and left. Given this compliment, i feel that...no...i want to prove that he did not waste such words, and it made me feel that i have potential, and i want to prove the both of us right.
Another thing that has inspired the Hip-Hop nugget in my thoughts is the discussion i had With Julz and Joules. We were talking about different B-Boys, and appreciation for the dance. it made me so happy to be able to talk to some one about it, i honestly keep it all in. thats all i really want to talk about; music and b-boying. When i;m with mane, or any other older kat, i keep my mouth shut. I listen to what they have to say, and construct new theorys and ideas. I've never really been in a situation where i get to freely speak my mind in such a way that people listen to me, and i listen back, gentleman like.
That is why i do, what i do; for the sake of the gentleman.

(damn, that sound fuckin dope....book title? essay title? you tell me. )

asdfhkgdjsr

I've been so busy lately, i haven't been able to do anything.
Either homework, or work, or with my friends.
I've also felt out of inspiration lately, its kinda odd.
I think i just need something to happen, something-anything.
I was ready to call it a night after i ate, that was around 7:30.
Theres a philosophy project i have to do, an analyzation of:
Saint Thomas Aquinas "Fifth Way" and David Humes "On an imperfect universe"
I'm learning so much in philosophy, i love it.
I also learned something about myself yesterday,
as i was talking to one of my closest friends Shanette.
I don't know how to dress casually, but i do not how to dress very formal.
I know what a Lapel is, and what vents are, and the evolution of 3 -2 button suites,
what looks European, and what looks American, and what types of shirts to wear with what ties.
Maybe thats why i wear what i do when i dance, because i know it.
I've been experimenting more with casual styles lately.
i want to take part in a discussion, a real one.
Not one guy trying to prove his point so forcefully, where he doesn't even listen or is too stubborn to change or see somethings differently. A real discussion, maybe about style or hip-hop.
That would be nice.
Also, I've learned from a conversation with my co-worker Joanne, that i am truly affraid of being alone. That is, really, the only thing i am afraid of.
Actually, I'm afraid of Cyphers as well, which is ironic.
I really need to start practicing more, on a side note.
theres so much to write, but i can't write it, my mind or body won't let me for some reason.
I suppose i'm waiting for that something to happen.

CSUF

I've made up my mind on where i want to transfer to.
CSU Fullerton.
I want to get out of the house, and try and be "on my own"
I'm going to get grants, and loans and a lot of other stuff,
but ill do it.
Fullerton keeps on calling me,
i don't know why
but i'll be working my ass off.
I'm already starting to save up, and ill be taking summer classes,
and probably 12 or more units during the regular semester.
I'm inspired to write, but something tells me i should wait.

I'm thinking of another project.
Right now I am currently struggling to write my current project, it has no title yet, but it's a project none the less. I'm looking at it now, and it sounds like crap, i really do think i have to rethink the story all together.
The second project i would like to start would be about a boy, who was raised on strong religious beliefs. He, being a good guy, signs up to go around neighborhoods in his city to ask people if they would like to join the church and what not. Then, while working for almost a few months now, he comes across a house that hes never been before. When he contacts the man who lives inside, he is intrigued by the mans responses which leads him to doubt his own beliefs, and weather he actually has beliefs or not.
It came to me while i was listening to my philosophy teacher talk, I think it will be a pretty good book. a short one though, I'm thinking 100 - 150 pages or so?

What is a Soul (In a Nutshell)? In My Opinion

I often hear the word "soul".
Mostly in the religious sense, but also in subjects of music and other such things.
I've wondered;
What exactly is a soul?
What is it composed of?
How do we obtain it?
In western religion, you would say that, the soul is the only immortal part of the human and it is also the immaterial essence, animating principle, or actuating cause of an individual life.
The term: Soul, isn't very popular in eastern religions though. Most don't come very close to explaining or even talking about a soul, but in eastern religious view, it would be a state of self-awareness.
Of coarse there is many other views of the soul, but those are two that we most frequently come upon.
Most religions say that its either immaterial (western), or its an idea(eastern) and we obtain when we are born (western) or when we come to a point of enlightenment (eastern).

So...
What is a soul?
What is it composed of?
How do we obtain it?

In my opinion:
A soul is simply a collection of emotions.
This definition applies to everything.
In entertainment, when some one has soul they express an emotion, or collection of emotions, through their art. Weather it be dance, an instrument, a picture, a painting, or anything really.
The artist has either successfully found a way to express emotions through their art consciously, or has a moment where every emotion possible has built in inside them in that one moment and they successfully push it all out at once in a creative way (i.e. "art").
In Religion we have two general views.
In western religion, they say that it is an immaterial thing that is immortal and is inside of us. When asked, "how do we know our soul is with us, or in us" the person might reply: "Because god has given it to us."There is no technical way to prove that this immaterial, immortal thing exist. Furthermore, there is no way that we can prove that god exist. "he is simply there" or "he simply is" is not a proven explanation that "he" exist.
In eastern religion, the soul is more of an idea than anything. Because i Have not learned enough about eastern religion to form an opinion of it, i will return to this subject when i do. I beleive, though, that my statement will hold true.
because in my opinion, the soul is a collection of emotions, it is"obtained" when we experience our first emotion, whenever that may be. It cannot be proven when we experience our first emotion, truly, we cannot truly know what our first experience of today was. Many questions arise when we ask that question.
When did the day start?
Did you feel any emotion in your dream?
How you know that was the first, and not the first that you remeber?
What if you are dreaming right now?
As you can see, it is impossible to truly know this, so i can only infer that we "obtain" a soul when we experience our first emotion. I've inferred this because i have rationalized that when we experience our first emotion, we can never truly experience that same emotion again. Therefore, since it is already experienced it is collected in our mind.

This is a very brief theory, as i experience more, i will add, take away, and re-write what i have to to make this theory as well thought out, and well proven as i possibly can.
I hope you have enjoyed this, please post comments of what you think so i can learn more.
Thank you,

Quicky1508

I almost cried today. (Nov 4, 2007)

I walked in, expecting to leave a message
having thought it over, and over again.
finally, i know what i got to say.
so i stepped inside, and to my biggest surprised
there you stood.
as i crept towards you, i couldn't help but wonder:
did you know who i was?
Maybe you thought i was a ghost of your future;
haunting you,
never being able to leave such a spirit.
Possibly. I saw you
through the mirror, and you began to smile
such a smile with true enthusiasm,
having no wonder what brought you this smile i walk forward
and say
"hey stranger; how you doin', how you been?"
We had a long talk, it was nice.
I had to go, after a few,
so i said farewell
and gave you one last embrace and said:
"I Missed you dad, i really did."
and as i walked away,
i could of sworn
you almost cried today too.

November 2, 2007. 3:19 p.m.

I've tried to write of other things;
such as my political views of Hip-Hop
and the music in which i love, oh so...much.
Jazz, Snare, Sing, song,
Sinatra, Fitzgerald and Armstrong...
and as i write, i get stuck, and find myself-listening
to but one song, and start to daze
into the distance
thinking,
thinking...
thinking of thoughts that have the ability to tear me apart
not realizing that the thing that terrifies me so is...
heart.

hardly what you'd expect me to say,
me too.
but if i were not to get with you,
It would break it.
and not knowing you, but for a week,
I've realized that my old desires and passions have
come down to being merely
imitations
of what the true forms of beauty, and love is...

According to Plato.

So i wrote two poems,
but i decided to put them in my private book.
So, when i come back from work today, i hope i am inspired again to write, but honestly, this site is not very inspirational because i thought i was gonna get a comment from friends who I've referred the link to, but nope.
Yes i want comments, yes i was constructive criticism, but there is a fine line between criticism and hating.
K thanks.